


Two Wrists, Same Name

by Sammy_is_obsessed



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 18:09:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14816268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammy_is_obsessed/pseuds/Sammy_is_obsessed
Summary: Alexander. Jefferson hated that name ever since he knew what it meant. When he was just five years old he had questioned the name that was written on both of his wrists. His mother, Jane, had held up her wrists and shown him. The name Peter was scrawled out on both of her wrists, something that confused Thomas at the time.





	Two Wrists, Same Name

(A/N:) There is violence mentioned, but it is brief and not too bad. Enjoy this soulmates au. 

Alexander. Jefferson hated that name ever since he knew what it meant. When he was just five years old he had questioned the name that was written on both of his wrists. His mother, Jane, had held up her wrists and shown him. The name Peter was scrawled out on both of her wrists, something that confused Thomas at the time.

"One name is the name of your soul mate and the other is the name of your worst enemy," she explained calmly with tears welling in her hazel eyes.

"But we have the same name," Thomas had pointed out, his mother simply nodding. Now that he's older, he regretted that question more than anything in the world.

Jane's eyes sparkled with tears that were threatening to fall. She wouldn't cry though, she had to stay strong for Thomas, her only surviving child.

"This only means that there will be trouble sometimes, but it'll be okay." Her explanation was vague enough to mask the pain that lingered in her hardened heart, something young Thomas couldn't possibly see. He couldn't understand at the time. Why was she crying if she said that everything would be okay? Now, looking back, he understood everything. When he was eleven, his parents had gone through a brutal divorce, one that tore his family in two. Thomas had watched the moving truck leave from the front window, having no idea this would be the end of his "happy" family. Jane put a hand on his shoulder, trying her best not to let herself cry.

Thomas was confused, his mother had told him that his dad was just going on vacation for a while. Now that he was older, he understood that his dad was moving away for good. His dad would never write to him; no matter how many letters Thomas wrote to him.

Five long years' latter, he was traumatized beyond what he could possibly imagine. Thomas had come home from school, expecting a quiet house where he could work on a project. Instead, he unlocked the door and heard a male voice yelling.

Thomas was terrified, but the curiosity that nipped at him pressed him to continue onward inside. Who was yelling? Why were they in his house? His mom wouldn't be home in a couple hours.

He closed the door quietly and followed the sound to the kitchen. He peered over the counter and almost cried out in shock. He calmed his hands over his mouth and ducked down. He didn't think anyone saw him, so he peered over the edge again.

He couldn't believe his eyes. He saw Jane crouched over on the floor and a man looming above her. He tried to identify the man, but he was facing away from Thomas, so he couldn't see his face. He did, however, see his mom, huddling on the floor. She was clutching her stomach as if she had been kicked.

Thomas stared in shock at his mother. Thousands of questions ran through his mind. Why was she home? What happened to her? He wanted to run to her aid, to hug her like he always did, but the was too scared. Now that he looks back, he wished he had run to her aid.

He snapped out of his thoughts when he locked eyes with Jane. She let out a loud sob, and he ducked behind the counter once more, trying to calm his beating heart.

Then he heard the man yell something that made his blood boil. "Are you crying because you're scared of what's going to happen to Thomas!?" Thomas perked up in response to his name being yelled, listening closely. "I should have killed him when I had the chance," the man, his father snarled.

Thomas bolted out of the room, running to the garage. There had to be a bat somewhere! He heard a shout from his dad, his mother cry out, and then a loud crash. He grabbed a bat and ran back to the kitchen but he came back to a horrific sight.

His father was nowhere to be seen and in the middle of the kitchen, laying in a pile of glass shards was his mother. He dropped the bat and rushed over to her side. There was a lot of blood coming from her head, and he knew that Peter must have smashed a couple plates overhead. He quickly picked up the phone and called for an ambulance, though unfortunately his mother's life could not be saved.

When he was seventeen, Thomas learned how to live independently, supporting himself with the year he'd acquired a year prior. His father had since been locked up, his sentence a great many years but that couldn't wash away the grief he would now be forced to deal with for the rest of his life.

He had gotten an apartment that he was able to afford, though just barely. He had been forced to live with his aunt and uncle after his mother's death, but they didn't keep him around for long, not wanting him. He moved far away and went to a different high school for his senior year.

All those thoughts ran through his mind as he walks to his college dorm. His life had been shit until he lived on his own, and even then he was incredibly lonely. He found himself staring at the names on his wrist, grimacing as he thought of what it meant. His mother had the same name on both wrists, and now she was dead. He took this as a forewarning not to follow his mother's example. It obviously didn't work. Thomas had decided that he wouldn't date any guys because Alexander was obviously a male's name. He would date a girl, he decided, even if he wouldn't truly love her. It was the only way he could protect his broken heart.

It hadn't taken long for Thomas to find a special girl who he seemed to fall head over heels for right away. Her names were Alexis and they had met in debate club of all places, Alexis's argument was full of passion and attitude. Right off the bat, he could tell that this girl was a spitfire and he, try as he might not to, had taken a liking to her almost instantly. She had kind, intelligent eyes and was captivating to watch speak. It seemed she had a lot to say and wanted to explain it all, and Thomas would gladly listen. The moment they first spoke, Thomas could swear that there were sparks flying, as incredibly cheesy and b-rated rom-com that sounded. He was also fairly sure he'd seen a flicker in Alexis's eyes like there was already something so strangely special, which was intriguing and frightening all at the same time.

'Who believes in this soulmates bullshit?!' He'd wondered to himself. This girl, though he hadn't known it yet, sure as hell wasn't Alexander and he could already feel something between them, or at least he was fairly sure he could. Perhaps it was a fluke in the system. But after the club where they'd verbally sparred for a bit he had asked for her name - and her number - deciding he was leaving the past behind for good. He wouldn't ever date anyone by the name of Alexander; the idea of dating a guy whatsoever was appalling! It's supposed to be man and woman, that's human nature. Anything else was wrong and disgusting. Women were what he loved, he always had, always would. At the time he'd noticed a certain apprehension in the girl, though he attributed it to nerves if anything. Alexis, she had said, and god what a beautiful name that was. And that was that he'd done it. They exchanged contacts and scheduled a date for the following weekend. Alexis seemed rather nervous in the process but nonetheless, she'd seemed interested, and that was all that he needed.

The days had quickly come and gone, Alexis constantly on Thomas's mind. Her piercing eyes and her lucid beautiful way of speech. With each turn of the hands of the clock, he seemed to be becoming more and more excited to see her again, his heart beating fast and excitedly if he so much as thought about her. But chaos had torn through the plans made on the day of the big date, Alexis canceling without so much as an explanation. He was stricken with grief and he'd already had his fill of that in this tormented life. He couldn't understand at all; he was positive things had been going well! He'd gone to debate in search of Alexis to question her on what'd happened, but when he arrived she was nowhere to see. She'd scanned the room, looking for the girl whose enchanting eyes had ensnared his heart. When he found them, however, he was overcome by shock. Alexis was no longer wearing her dress, her hair and become much shorter and her breasts had disappeared. She was a boy!

He had stalked up to her - scratch that, him - and questioned what in the world was going on. He wasn't at all happy with the explanation he received, however. He had lost a bet the day that they'd met his friends, one of which was a wizard with a makeup brush. His punishment? Dressing in drag all around campus for the entire day. It wasn't the worst thing to happen to him, but it wasn't ideal either as it had taken several hours to prep him and do him up enough for him to be almost completely unrecognizable. Damn had Lafayette done a spectacular job, so much so that when he'd met Thomas he didn't have a clue. He was going to correct him when he was using female pronouns but had decided against it when he'd realized how flirty and attractive Thomas was.' Why ruin things right away?' he'd thought and decided to go along with. With some back and forth an argument in debate as well as some casual flirting from both parties he was shocked when Thomas had asked for his number so that they could go on a date. At this point he really did want to; it felt like Thomas was unlike any person he'd ever met, and the fact of the matter was, he had his own set of names on his wrists: Thomas. The odds of this actually being him were slim at best, but he needed to find out for sure and so he'd agreed.

Though the idea of going out with this potential soul mate was incredibly tempting, reality was quickly setting in.

'He thinks I'm a girl,' He'd thought to himself in despair, 'When he finds out the truth he's never going to speak to me again, let alone date me!' With a heavy heart, he'd cancel the plans, but he didn't expect Thomas to pursue him. Thus, they were nowhere and Thomas was outraged. Thomas had spat in his face, calling him terrible wicked things and expressing that he never wanted to see him again. The fact that a boy – a boy whose name was Alexander – had tricked him made him angrier than he'd ever been. It wasn't simply dangerous, it was stupid! He wasn't and never would be into a guy, god how could he be? From henceforward Thomas had considered Alexander an enemy, lower than low and scum and he'd only ever treat him as such. With this change in dynamic, all had been forgotten about the feeling shared between the two. They both managed to remain in debate club, however, it was not under good terms. Every argument between them now felt as if it might be to the death. They argued with such a fiery passion, getting in each other's faces and sometimes tussling a bit until someone breaks them up. Existing on the same planet together is miserable.

But for Thomas, existing on this planet at all is miserable.

He found himself lying awake, tossing and turning and unable to finally be lulled to sleep. Those enchanting eyes were still on his mind. He'd tried so hard to tear his thoughts from Alexander, to remind himself that there was no way that he could possibly be the one that he loved. There was a pretty girl out there, there had to be a pretty girl out there for him. It wasn't him. God damn it it wasn't him! He hated Alexander Hamilton and Alexander Hamilton hated him, it would never be anything more than that. And even though he constantly reminded himself of this, it didn't help much. He sometimes felt his mind wandering to the irrational thought of 'What if we'd really gone on that date?' The fact that he was asking himself this was awful. He'd promised himself years ago that his fate wouldn't be a repetition of his mother's, bless her soul. He wasn't going to get with someone who was labelled as both his lover and his worst enemy. That had already been proven to be a failure, and he'd gone through enough loss to last him a lifetime. Even with this truth being known, it didn't stop his unhappiness and it couldn't still his restlessness. Despite everything, damn it all, he'd fallen for Alexander. Even if he hadn't accepted it or ever wanted to face it, it was true and that was killing him. Every waking moment he was haunted by these though as well as the grim memories of his mother and her demonic fate, a warning shining through the fog of his troubled mind. He didn't want to be thinking these things, feeling these things, and it was tearing him apart from the inside out.

It was only a matter of time before people noticed the change in him. His friends and fellow students noticed he'd become more agitated, restless and noticeably distant, not that he really had wonderful friends, to begin with. Who could really know that there was a war going on inside of his head? The final straw, however, was when Alexander had finally caught up to this. Though there was a deep-rooted hatred between them, Alexander wasn't an idiot and he even had humanity towards someone who'd been so vile to him. He could see the turning of the wheels in his head, his expression going grimmer with each fleeting day.

Now, why would he give a care if Thomas was going through anything? Because, with a heavily regretful heart, he knew that he had some kind of feelings toward him. Even with how cruel he had constantly been and his bitterness that had raged on, Alexander hated himself for loving him. God damn it, he didn't want to! Thomas wasn't remotely interested, was disgusted by the mere prospect of them engaging in a romantic outing, so any chance of something besides hatred had long since been dashed. But even with this being painfully obvious, he still couldn't help the way he felt and he could see that Thomas looked rather close to breaking. He always seemed to be fidgeting, always upset or deep in thought, hardly even speaking up in debate anymore.

It was the end of club one day where Thomas had sat glassy-eyed and silent, staring off into space. When everyone had cleared out of the classroom. Thomas buried his face in his hands, groaning loudly and thinking he was alone.

"Jefferson," Alexander said sharply, prompting him to stiffen and jolt up, "We need to talk."

"Beat it, Hamilton. I've got nothing to say to you," Thomas said, trying to even his voice though it was evidently full of anxiety.

"No, I don't think so. Something's up with you. You're acting weird. Why?" Alexander narrowed his eyes at Thomas as if he was sizing him up, trying to figure him out though there wasn't a ton that he actually understood.

"There's nothing up," Thomas said through clenched teeth, a sure sign that this statement was a big fat lie, "Get off my back." Though his words were angry and persistence, the unwavering way his voice was carrying on was a dead giveaway. Sighing deeply, Alexander pulled out a chair from a desk and sat down across from Thomas, looking at him skeptically.

"Look, I know we hate each other and all that, and it hasn't exactly been sunshine and rainbows, but it is brutally obvious that you've got something major going on and I don't think anyone else in your life is helping you out with that right now." Thomas took a deep breath, staring at Alexander with a mix of astonishment and confusion.

"If ... if there was something wrong with me, and I'm not saying there is -."

"Right," Alexander quipped sarcastically, earning an annoyed groan from Thomas.

"As I was saying," he continued through clenched teeth, easing up as he continued his sentence, "Why would you care?" Alexander scrunched up his face, trying to look unpassed.

"I don't," he blatantly lied, "But it doesn't look like anyone else does either. As much as a prick you constantly are to me, you're the only one who actually puts their heart and soul into these debates, and lately, you haven't even been doing that. It's obvious that you're upset." Thomas sighed deeply, his gaze settling on the floor as he moved from the chair to the desk, deciding to sit there instead. (Tables and counters and stuff are some much more fun to sit in)

"It's whatever, Hamilton. I've ... I've been a real ass to you, so you can go. I don't need your sympathy." Alexander rolled his eyes but startled Thomas as he placed a hand on top of his hand, earning a look of bewilderment from Thomas.

"I think you do." That, it seemed, was all it took to take Thomas to a dangerously low point. For months he'd been bottling up all of these feelings, all of these emotions he'd locked away and with someone caring, someone actually taking the time to reach out and check on him was never something he'd thought that he'd have again. And the fact that it was Alexander of all people, after everything he'd done to him left his head spinning and allowed him to spill his guts, whether he wanted to or not.

"I-I'm alone ..." he said, voice wavering with each word, already catching Alexander off-guard. He'd never heard him so unsteady. "I've b-been alone ever since my mother was killed." Well shit. Alexander was expecting that he was maybe failing a class or having some issues with a friend; not this.

"Thomas, Jesus Christ," Alexander breathed out, "I'm sorry. I had no idea." He wanted to say more, to ask how it had happened but that was something a friend asked, and they were nowhere near friends.

"No one knows," he said grimly, "Or at least no one at this school. A-and I don't want anyone to know either so ... so ..."

"I won't tell anyone," Alexander said immediately, and what shocked Thomas perhaps the most was how sincere he sounded, adding to the fact that his hand was still placed on top of his own.

"I- thank you. That's kind of you."

"Yeah, sure," Alexander sighed, looking deep into Thomas's eyes now brimming with tears, a sight that made him uneasy, to say the least, "So uh ... is there anything else bothering you? We're talking now so I just figure, if you want to you can tell me. I'm not going to like judge you on anything. Not after what you told me, anyway and I know it would come back to bite me in the ass if I did." Thomas nodded wordlessly, squeezing his eyes shut and taking a shuddery breath. He didn't necessarily want to admit what he was about to, but this was a secret he'd kept close to his heart for too long, and facing it all alone was becoming unbearable.

"I've ...... I've fallen in love." Alexander's expression hardened slightly as this was said. To him, it already felt like a stretch to be so sympathetic to someone who'd already been the causation of so much strife. No here he was, discovering Thomas's infatuation with some woman. She was probably very lovely too, and that just seemed to make it worse.

"I see. Well, I hope it works out for you and whoever this girl is. I'm sure she'll make you very, very happy." Alexander said snarky, his tone sharper than he'd intended. But what confused him, however, was the fact that Thomas's response was to bury his face in his hands, a sob bubbling in his throat.

"I-it's a boy." Though Thomas had mumbled through his now fast-falling tears. This certainly struck a chord with Alexander, whose eyes went wide and paced quickened when he heard this.

"Wait ... what?"

"I'm .... I-I'm in love with a boy," Thomas admitted, body no racked with sobs as he trembled. To say the least, Alexander was very very confused.

"Hold on a moment," Alexander said, letting go of Thomas and rising for where he sat, the wheels in his head turning alarmingly fast as his mind ran rampant. "You're telling me that you've fallen for a boy, meanwhile for all of this time you've tormented me because I had an interest in you and am a boy? You've been homophobic and cruel to me for this long and you're in love with a guy?! That ... that doesn't make any sense! What in the world is your explanation here?!" He demanded, looking at Thomas with a furious confusion. His anger took over him, filling him with a rage stronger than most mixed with the jealousy for whatever man had stolen his heart.

"I-I'm so sorry, Alexander." That wasn't something he'd intended to take as a suitable answer, but from the strain in his voice to the tear tracks that ran down his cheeks when he looked into his eyes, it was apparent that Thomas was gut-wrenchingly terrified, and once again Alexander was stricken with sorrow for him. "I'm... I'm so sorry." This was a man who'd been driven to a breaking point, it was clear to see and painful all at the same time. Thomas had gone through so much, more than Alexander could've ever possibly known.

"It's ... it's okay." Alexander wasn't really sure if he meant it, but from how filled with sorrow Thomas was, it was hard not to say it. He reached out his hand, testing the waters of Thomas's trust in this moment. Jefferson stared at it a moment, extended in the air and sniffled, taking it his own and clasping his fingers around Alexander's tightly. He took a deep, shuddery breath and admitted to the biggest secret he harbored, the one that haunted his thoughts the most out of all of them. "I-it's you." And though he hadn't been clearly specific, those three little words were more than enough of an explanation to make Alexander's heart leap, his breath momentarily leaving him and eyes becoming as wide as a large dinner plate.

"T-Thomas you must be joking." But from the way that the tears were cascading down his cheeks and the look of guilt in his eyes, it was evident that he was not in fact joking. "Oh my god you aren't, are you? Thomas? Thomas, talk to me." Thomas lowered his head shamefully, unprepared to meet Alexander's gaze as he continued in a shuddering whisper.

"When we first met ... I-I thought that you were a girl. A-and I swore that I-I felt something between us... And ... and it was so amazing. B-but then I found out your real n-name and t-that you weren't a g-girl and I was –" he shuddered, "am scared." He spoke in a hosed frightened voice, Alexander listening intently. His mind was racing. He'd liked him then. He'd felt the spark too. Alexander wasn't crazy, or at least not as much as he thought he might be.

"Why are you scared, Thomas?" He asked in a calm, soothing voice. There was no bark to his tone, no demands being spouted. It was collected and poignant. Thomas glanced at his overturned wrists, feeling a shiver run down his spine as he swallowed the lump in his throat. Without a word he pulled up his sleeves, holding his arms up to Alexander and seeing the shimmer of realization in his eyes, his mouth opening wide and a short gasp escaping from his throat. Alexander reached for his sleeves, doing the same and turning them over for Thomas to see. Jefferson's expression was a knowing one like this was what he'd been expecting to eventually occur, but that couldn't take away the fear.

"We're... We're ...."

"Soulmates," Thomas finished the statement grimly, his tears stopping for a moment, "Yes. I think ... I think I've known since that day, not that I would admit it to myself."

"T-Thomas, your name is written on both of my wrists, and m-mine is on yours. That... That means that ..."

"You're my worst enemy," he said, pausing, "And my lover. I'm your worst enemy and your lover. We're a fluke in the system." Alexander shook his head, almost wildly, a small but hopeful smile overcoming him.

"No, Thomas don't you see?" He asked, lowering his arms, "We both felt something that day. That was love. Jesus Christ, that was love! We're meant for one another and ...." He stopped to catch his breath, "and I love you." The tears, though they'd only been gone a short moment, repeated with vigor.

"But I can't love you!" He wailed loudly, starting Alexander. Hamilton blinked in confusion.

"Why can't you?" Alexander quipped. Thomas swallowed hard, not that it stopped the sobbing.

"M-my father was my mother's w-worst enemy and h-her soul mate a-and he killed her!" Thomas cried. Alexander was taken aback by sadness from Thomas's mournful tale. "I-it's too dangerous! I-it won't work! I-i-it won't. I-it w-w-won't." Thomas could hardly speak now, being reduced to a fit of tears and broken sobs, his words failing him as he collapsed in a heap on the floor, breathing quickly and feeling the fear set in. Alexander, though frightened by it all, was quick to action, kneeling down and engulfing Thomas in a tight, safe hug. He understood everything now, or at least more than he had before. Thomas's fear of their relationship turning out violent like his parents made him afraid to date any men and internalizing a homophobia that encouraged his behavior towards Alexander. He didn't despise him, he despised his love for him. Though he struggled at first, he eventually stopped moving, allowing Alexander to rub his back and whisper soothingly to him.

"Hey, shh. Shh. It's going to be alright, Thomas. I'm here, you're safe. I'm never going to hurt you; do you hear me? I love you." And though it felt weird to admit this, he realized it was true. "I love you and I don't ever want to see you in pain. I've got you, Thomas, and I'm never going to let you be alone again, I promise."

"B-but my father -."

"Was a wicked man who did a bad, bad thing," Alexander cut in, holding tight to Thomas who was now clinging to him, sobbing into his shirt. "But you aren't wicked and neither am I. I'm going to keep you safe from now on, Thomas. I will. I love you and I'm so happy that we found each other, no matter how long it took." Thomas was still terrified, extremely terrified but for one of the first times in a long time, he felt safe. Alexander held him close, pressing a few tender kisses to his cheeks, kissing away his falling tears and Thomas just seemed to cling tighter.

If feeling safe and being loved by someone meant it had to be Alexander, someone who was his enemy and his soulmate, then maybe he would need to give it a go.

"I-I love you," he replied quietly, and in all honesty, it was completely true.

=+=


End file.
